#TheRealMsMae

Did I mention I have a new career?

Missouri ACO Ms. MaeAnimal Control Officer and Humane Investigator…

As Always ~

#StayFierce

~ Ms. Mae

#PerV

Here is a story that was a major turning point in not only my life, but all Dancing Walkabouts going forward…

I was backing out of my spot at the local riverfront trail when an older gentleman ~(I’m only going to guess by my initial guesstimate) maybe late 60’s – early 70’s pulls up about 25 feet away from my car.

He motions for me to put my window down.

He was at a safe distance, older, “nice-clean”  mature man.

Hell, I looked like I just came from the river soaked ~ no worries, right?

However, I only put my window down halfway (I’m not too keen on trusting totally to putting it down all the way for anyone).

He was getting ready to go over to the City Lake (where I crunched my ankle) which is also on the other side of the riverfront. ~

I immediately made a side note to myself that I thought that was kind of strange, but not really because it’s also normal to check out which walkabout area is more congested with people ~ or at least that is how I condoned why he was at the riverfront ~ if he was actually going back over to the city lake to do his walk…

He was laughing at all of the “kids” playing “poke a man” around the riverfront.

I looked around ~ YEP!

There were probably over 20, twenty-somethings walking in circles with their phones.

Did I mention I wear sunglasses (so people do not make direct eye contact and want to socialize in any way) and my earbuds are set tightly in my little ears until I get into my car?

Therefore, I am usually only seeing tunnel vision ~ feel me?

So I said “ha ~ at least they are getting out into the sunshine moving about!”

He said: “Yeah, but they are running into things.”

Me: “Well common sense should probably kick in before they do themselves any harm.”

During our conversation ~ I honestly could not tell you how long it was ~ my car was in reverse and my foot on the brake ~ because I thought he was just an older man having small talk and I was leaving ~ right?

This dude was S M O O T H E.

He manipulated the conversation so well and easily I didn’t know What the hell I still think happened…

You might think I walk around with a sour look on my face and growling most of the time (and inside I am), but in reality, I smile and say “hello” or “good morning/evening” to people as they walk by me!

My true inner spirit is a force of kindness towards others ~ complimenting them in some freaking way:  “nice hair!”  “great shoes..”

First, he starts telling me why he has to walk everyday ~

He has health issues:   Open heart surgery, diabetes, and when he sits too long his feet go to sleep.

My response was, if I don’t get my walk in ~ my mood is so bad ~ I just feel so much better after being on my Dancing Walkabout!

My attitude, my health ~ heck I feel about 10 years younger!

Him:  “Oh!  You dance while you walk?”

Me: “Yeah ~ I use to sing out loud as well, but I don’t think other people around me enjoy it so I stopped.”

Ha, ha,ha (ever the comedian that I am)!

“Besides, it’s a great way to work out!”

Him:  “Do you ever go to the City Lake to walk?”

Sir Duck Shits Alot

Me:  “I use to.  I would run up and down all the stairs and hills over there until I crunched my ankle.  Plus there is so much duck and goose shit over there it’s just better that I stay over here now.”

Him:  “Yeah, I use to call it Sir Duck ShitsAlot” (or something of that effect, because now I was thinking: why is this old dude talking about me walking over there)?

Me: a fake “ha ha.”

Him:  “So I see these kids attached to their gadgets and I am thinking, does anyone read any more?”

Me:  “No kidding.  I did not raise my kids with too many electronics;

I could not afford them plus, I wanted them to be active…  ”

Him:  “Yeah, my wife use to come out and walk with me as well.”

Me:  “I hope she is okay.”

Him:  “Oh yeah.  It’s just we are both into different things right now…”

Me:  “Well it is good you are both willing to step out alone or with others, and do your own thing ~ right?”

Him:  “Well there are a lot of things we do separately.”

Me:  “I would hope so.” (I am so totally gullible).

Him:  “Well, about 3 years ago, my wife gave me permission to have

(not the word sex ~ but it was implied ~ or at least that is how I perceived it)

with others.”

 Me: “That is great ~ I just do not believe in crossing the lines of marriage. I am more than positive I do not think I could give permission to my ex to sleep around.”

Him:  “Oh you are divorced?”

Me:  ” I have raised my kids on my own….”

I was starting to pull away from the conversation but not entirely, because

(A.)  I did not hear any alarms yet, but I saw flags ~ but I still was not scared

(B.) Nor did I feel threatened in any way.

Him:  “I like to read a lot as I said before. Do you read much?”

Me:  “Not too much other than my school books ~ I’m pursuing my education while I work full time.”

At that point we both looked over at my mesh yellow work vest hanging across the passenger seat of my car.

Him:  “Oh!  You drive a school bus? (not actually surprised or I could have been paranoid).

Me:  “I actually push carts for a local department store.”

Him:  “ Well I like to read…  See, I can not get a total erection, but I can still have a climax.”

He did not say “get off,” “cum,” or “orgasm” like a pervert in my opinion would say.

Me:  ” I am thinking maybe that could be why your wife might be okay with you doing things elsewhere…”

>I am very open-minded with people and conversations in general so at this time I still not not feel threatened or that our conversation was out of control or dirty <

Him:  ” Oh noI love my wife.

We went to the doctor and tried happy pills and everything.

She just is not interested.”

Me:  ” Well, if you are having difficulty with an erection, I am sure she is questioning herself and her own attractiveness and self-esteem ~ see,  we tend to think “it’s our fault” even though it could just be your health issues.”

I was truly trying to keep the sarcasm from rumbling from my words…

Also, I was still freaking out about him knowing I even did a Dancing Walkabout or that he was asking about the City Lake where I had fallen.

So I started taking in his attire and other important factors I might need to remember some day ~

Twinkle Blue Like His Eyes…

Super coiffed hair (like a television personality or the evening news). 

He had a hat “placed” on his head (STL Cards).

Silver/white hair (that just did not look real).

Sparkling blue eyes.

His truck was equally blue ~

Four-wheel Drive, chrome side-step ~ not brand new, but exceptionally well-kept (maybe 5 years old).

His fingers were well-manicured (odd ~ I do not believe I have ever seen any of the more “upscale” business men within this local German community who had a manicure)!

He was tanned and from what I could see he was maybe tall?

He had big, white,perfect teeth.

A Wrangler plaid green/tan checked shirt.

A diamond/gold wedding ring…

Everything about him was so out of place compared to his actual face and words…

Him:  “So you have not been dating or seeing anyone?”

Me: ” No.”

Him: “Why NOT?”

 Me:  “Because I have had kids to raise and they are the most important part of my life. I will have my turn. Actually, I went on a date a couple years ago with an older fella. Well, I suppose we just met for dinner. I needed to see how I would do once I started to actually date again…

He was everything I did not think I actually wanted to date in a man ~ 10 years or so older than I am, he wore cowboy boots ~ I tell my kids every year when they ask what I want for my birthday and I say About a 35 year old.”

Yeah.

I think I am so damn funny.

Him:  “So you went to dinner with this guy?  How did it go?”

Me:  “Actually it’s the best time I have had with the opposite sex without sex, drugs, or alcohol…

I really like him.”

Him:  ” So, you do not have sex?  Pardon me if I am being too personal or if you are embarrassed and excuse me if I am going over the line ~ but do you masturbate?”

Me:    ” No!  You are not embarrassing me!

I encourage people to speak their minds.  I am comfortable with my being ~ including my sexuality.  Have you crossed a line?

I am not sure yet… But to answer your question ~ I am still holding out for the older gentleman I had dinner with. It has been lovely talking with you but I do need to get back to work and you still need to get your walk in.”

I began driving in reverse again…

Him:  ” Well, can I just ask you another question?”

He is now looking around ~ not like “is anyone watching me” but “are you seeing this??  She is not only not freaking out, but she is answering my questions!

Me:  “Sure…”

Him:  ” What if this guy is not what he is cracked up to be?  What if he “does not do it for you?”

Me:  ” He will.”

Him: ” Why do you think that?”

Me: “Why do you not think he will?”

Him:  “What if he is done before you are?”

Me:  “Just seeing him in front of me will already almost have me “there” so if we were actually in a position of clothes off and climbing aboard ~ I would already be there as well…

But really.  I have to get going.” (as I continue to back up and leave).

Him:  “Maybe we will see each other again down here and we can continue our lovely conversation and watch all these silly kids play “poke a man?”

 Me: “Yeah maybe (like hell I say).

 Him:  “As a matter of fact ~ that is going to be a new nickname I am going to call you:  “Poke a Man ~ poke a man in you and GO!

One way or another I am going to get into your panties…”

ME: “ No you will not! I told you ~ I am saving myself for the mature older gentleman.”

I started kind of laughing when I drove off ~ just happy to get away and think for a minute ~

What the HELL just happened?

 He was driving right up behind me ~ his truck almost touching the back of my car.

He had to see the light bulb go on above the top of my head in my rearview mirror at the same time I did.

 He backed way off, so I slowed down so I could see his license plates.

He almost stopped and I just continued driving very slowly hoping to get close enough to him.

He then ducked down a side street where I could no longer see him.

I wanted to drive directly home.

I was afraid he was watching to see where I lived.

I went to a gas station, then Wally World, then another grocery store, and another gas station ~ literally going  2 hours out of my way to go home because I was just that freaked out…

I posted about it on social media and…

Friends were telling me to call the police he could be a killer or rapist.

But it really felt like an interview or a quiz ~

Like I was being tested…

Him:  ” Well, that is why I like to read.”

Before this incident I would post on social media about my Dancing Walkabouts ~ what music I was grooving to, the area I was walking at, and the weather.

As well as, little anecdotes about my walk (weird people, pets, wild life, etc)…

I sort of chalked it up as just another adventure in the day of a life for Ms. Mae and did not think any more of it.

Until…

Friends and family began leaving me messages about a man accosting women in their early 50’s at the riverfront in my home town ~ they saw on the local news ~ maybe it was the same man?

My response was that I was a wee bit upset that if it was him, why would he assume I was in my early 50’s?

Like I said ~ ever the comedian I think I am…

At this point, I removed everything and anything on all social media that showed my face or my children.

People were literally tagging my name in articles and posts that showed images of the man and the news story.

Even the local sheriffs department contacted me saying they had read my story on social media and wanted to know if I wanted to file a report.

What would I have filed a report about?

There was no physical contact, his words were careful and not exactly offensive and I participated in the conversation willingly.

The man never got out of his truck nor did he even ask if I would put my window further ~ let alone give me the feeling I was being forced to continue our conversation or move closer to him.

I was already feeling constricted and pushed out by the county I lived in since I called the EPA, health department, and ARC over the flooded black mold hell hole I lived in and the fact I filed an insurance claim against the city department because I fell in a hole at Sir Duck ShitsAlot ~ you think I am going to put my neck in a noose AND cut the rope to hang myself?

Fuck no!

Besides, I honestly do not know if the man I met was the same as the man that was actually arrested after a physical altercation with another woman he supposedly accosted.

Remember I thought he was wearing a disguise or something?

If I had to pick the man out of a lineup or by his mugshot ~ no way would I have picked the man the local newspaper, television, or social media was sharing!

Except maybe his bright blue eyes…

Later, I read he was released from jail and he was put on unsupervised probation For a year…

I have to say, unfortunately ~

It does not always pay to be a leader and it is okay to follow the story quietly along as it unfolds.

Without a doubt I pay more attention to my surroundings than I ever have ~ more than just the color of the sky or foliage around me.

However, it was ONE of the very last times I ever did my Dancing Walkabout on the riverfront trail…

BE SAFE out there PeePs!

One never knows when or where a surprise might come out at you…

In the meantime…

As Always ~

#StayFierce

~ Ms. Mae

#INVISIBLE

Okay PeePs…

I’m ENRAGED and I find myself somewhat in a dilemma…

I was on my way home from work.

While I was at a stop light, I noticed a truck beside me.

In it was a couple arguing extremely loud.

Of course, I had my windows halfway down, the sunroof open and the radio blaring (yes I was singing and dancing). . .

I quickly but inconspicuously turned my music and voice down.

Not because I wanted to be nosy but because I did not want to be noticed.

They were pretty angry.

As the light changed, I drove a little slower so I would not have to see the shame on the face of the woman driving.

I know that feeling.

I’ve worn that face.

All of a sudden I saw the man backhand the woman so hard the speed of the truck slowed down considerably and her head pushed halfway out her window, as well as sending her hair flying wildly about the air from the velocity and force of the mans hand.

In addition, the truck swerved unsteady across the center line.

The woman gained control of the vehicle and sped up a little.

I watched as the man turned to face the woman and he punched her STRAIGHT IN THE FUCKING FACE!!!!

I looked around at the cars surrounding them; me.

Was anyone else seeing this tragedy unfold ~ or was I alone in watching the physical abuse of a big fella as he slapped the woman yet again as the truck sped up ahead of me in the left lane???

Everyone else seemed oblivious.

I yelled the license plate number, the make, model, and color of the pickup to Siri.

I found myself gripping the steering wheel as if I were driving on ice.

Tears were rolling down my cheeks and smearing my mascara so I could hardly see.

I wanted to voice dial 911.

I was screaming in rage out loud and I did not even realize it until I saw them turn onto another highway.

SO MANY emotions are going through my mind right now as I sit parked in my driveway writing this post!!!

I WANT to call the police and report this piece of shit that THINKS he’s a man.

I WANTED to save this woman who was going to have to be embarrassed by the marks and bruises I KNOW are going to be swelling up on her face ~ explaining to her peers, coworkers, family, and the public what she’s going to PRETEND that happened.

All the while she will be shaming and questioning herself about what pissed HIM off so bad and what she REALLY wanted to do back to him as revenge. . .

WILL I be saving this woman if I call the police??

SOME of you are shouting out loud at my post “YES!!”

However, any one of you who have been in that same drivers seat as the woman, also is shouting out loud to this post “OH HELL NO!!”

It’s a catch-22 situation.

He might kill her after the police question him.

I know that the shame and embarrassment.

She will probably feel even more as she tells the police (maybe) why she “allowed” him to physically harm her.

I understand that she has no real answer of why she’s stayed so long.

I know the embarrassment and shying away from looking into the officers eyes as she tells them (maybe) “nothing happened.”

I know the fear of leaving and the fear of staying.

What I DO NOT know is what I should do for the safety of the woman and who else lives with her…

What I DO KNOW???

FELLAS!!

I do Not believe women are equal to men in muscle, size, or strength!

There is a BIG DIFFERENCE (no matter the size) between a mans punch compared to a woman’s.

We are the yen to your yang and vice verse!

The only thing I want to be equal to is respect, love, responsibilities in a relationship, a home, children (if there are any) and my fucking paycheck if we have the same education, experience and skill!!!

If you feel the need to call us names, demean us mentally or verbally or worse: feel the need to hit us even ever so lightly ~

IT IS NOT LOVE!!!

GET OUT!!

RUN!!!

LADIES!!!

If a man is being physically, mentally or verbally abusive ~

IT IS NOT LOVE!!!

GET OUT!!

RUN!!!

WHAT WOULD YOU DO????

I am sad for this woman.

I am ANGRY for this woman.

#LilDaddy

My lil’ daddy passed away a month before Fathers Day. It was Memorial Day Weekend, 2003.

This little man who I thought was so big and tall my entire life ~ was only about 5 ft and 7 inches on a good day. He worked Three jobs for 10 years and two jobs for 42 years. When he “retired” at the age of 62, he still worked as our taxi driver, helped an even older man on his cattle farm, and a much younger man haul cars from auctions. As a matter of fact ~ he was preparing for his day of work when he fell over from a blood clot going through his heart and exploding.

He awoke every morning at 6:00 O’clock. Took his blood sugar, put a pot of coffee on his electric percolator, made his oatmeal and toast.

This particular morning he took one bite of his oatmeal and when the toast popped up, he fell over dead.

He always told me I would either come over and find him dead in his bed or he would just fall over and die.

That is just a little insight to the work ethic my lil’ daddy had. He did not believe in missing work ~ unless he was dead. I am more than positive that is why he died on a Friday and it was a 3 day weekend ~ not one of his 6 children would have an excuse to miss.

However ~

My lil’ daddy was a Korean Conflict Veteran and he had always told me: ” If you can remember it, I get a Veterans Memorial Funeral and it will not cost a dime.”

Well, because it was Memorial Day Weekend ~ I got to keep him 5 extra days! So, THERE lil’ daddy! I bet he was fuming and if he were alive I might have gotten a whooping.

Not.

I only got 2 whoppings from my lil’ daddy. Unlike, the older siblings.

I use to tease him that if he had given me more I might not have turned out the way I did (I am naturally, The Black Sheep).

My lil’ daddy was born in 1930 during the depression to a German farmer and his wife. The oldest boy of 9 children. He only weighed 1 pound and the lil’ town he was born in donated a shoe box for him to sleep in ~ thinking he was so little they could use the box to bury him in when the time came. After all ~ babies that small in that era did not tend to live.

That is just how fierce my lil’ daddy was at the Get Go!

When he married my mama in 1950 ~ “Women were to be seen and not heard unless spoken to.”

My mama was born “in the city” to a family of 14 children ~ if you were not seen or heard, you could be lost!

I often teased my lil’ daddy that it was because of his chauvinism ~ The Lord gave him F I V E DAUGHTERS!

True story.

My dad went to a local restaurant for a gathering of the manly minds every morning and evening to have coffee with the other “retired” locals. He would leave this note on his door so anyone coming to visit (he was the hot spot for us all including but not limited to grandchildren, exes and neighbors) so we would not worry about his whereabouts.

I took that note once he passed and I pretend to this day ~ some 15 years later ~ he is still Gone To Bobbers For Coffee. Be back later.

I Love You LiL’ Daddy!

~ MaeBright That Made Everything Turn Out Right.

#CarterPayne2016

My sadness is deep today without a doubt.

Not for Carter Payne or the loss of him on my mamas birthday ~ I believe without a doubt they are celebrating in a way we will only understand when we get to join them in The Kingdom of Heaven (YES! I DO believe I’m going to Heaven some day)!

My deep sadness is for those of us left behind to continue to live on without either of them to make our days better ~ happier, just by existing.

I had been with Carter every since I found out he was growing in his mamas belly.

I was fortunate to be a part of watching him grow with lots of visits from his dad and mama. As well as being a part of his big brother and sister growing stages.

Coming to “Aunt Mae’s” was hopefully as big of a treat for them as it had been for my family and me ( I KNOW it was without a doubt)!!

They knew about the paddle that resided on my wall with the phrase ATTITUDE ADJUSTER written down the handle.

They ALL knew the law: “If I take it off the wall ~ it HAS to be used!”

I’m pretty sure my daughter is the only one that had it used on her (well probably Carters dad too. lol).

I would make lots of good food and family would stop in and out to visit as well.

Carter was our second REAL redhead in the family (my oldest niece, the other~ our very first niece, born on Christmas Day and Carters aunt).

April of 2015, I was attending the Retirement Ceremony of my Nephew from the United States Air Force.

The American Flag that had been placed upon the coffin of my own father (Carters Great Grandpa who he shared a birthday with) was escorted into the ceremony by men in uniform.

The service men began unfolding my lil daddy’s flag and another service man spoke of the story of the importance of the folding of the American flag upon the death of a loved one who served our country.

Afterwards, the re-folded flag was presented and saluted to the retiring Master Sergeant David Payne (my oldest and very first grandchild /son in my family). One can only imagine the pride and beauty of that very moment.

Except it became even more profound, personal, and BEAUTIFUL as the Master Sergeant walked over to his son, Carter Alexander and said:

“On April 18, 1930 there was a great man born who served to earn this flag.

On April 18, 2000 another great man was born…”

His father then he placed the flag in my great nephews hands and saluted HIM with the honor bestowed upon them both.

I can only give you this tiny, tiny insight to the even slightest of just how loved and cherished Carter was/is to our Family!

Carter loved playing pranks on his old Aunt Mae along with his dad and mama (think Maddie’s graduation kids)!

I would threaten F. O. A. Over the phone for his next visit to Missouri ~ to both him and his sister!!

I ALWAYS kept my word 😉💕

One of the very few things that are keeping me from totally losing it ~

Carter was born on my lil’ daddy’s birthday and passed away on my mamas birthday.

For ME that means he IS in The Kingdom of Heaven sharing Love and Goodness wherever WE are ~ KNOWING the outcome of everything else in THIS Life is going to be OKAY in the end!

So today as I get my walkabout on and I sing:

🎵…Where O’ Where Is Carter …🎵

I KNOW he’s wrapped in ALL the Love we are feeling in between my own mama and lil’ daddy!!

I know you’re not RESTING in Peace, Red ~ You are LIVING and CELEBRATING in Peace!!!

#AuntMaeLovesYou

#SomeGoodFromPayne💕