#TheRealMsMae

Did I mention I have a new career?

Missouri ACO Ms. MaeAnimal Control Officer and Humane Investigator…

As Always ~

#StayFierce

~ Ms. Mae

#AdultKoolAide

I am probably going to offend some of you (and I am more than positive- I don’t give 2 fiddlesticks)….

BUT!

As I am sitting in middle of BFE.

Right on the very beautiful front porch I stained.

I am listening to the critters howling at the moon in their own languages.

Sipping on an Adult Frozen Juice Pack and I keep thinking about a post everyone likes to pass around on social media with the picture of a cozy cabin with a nice but small Jon boat and pond.

How each person says “Hell YEAH I would trade in my smartphone, the internet and electricity and live there!”

I am calling BULLSHIT on each and every one of you!!

1. We ALL like the luxury of taking a shit and shower of the civilian life.

Not one of us is acclimated to even WANT to think about life without the gift of electricity and those two important things.

I have been isolating myself and purging my anger and whatnot into cutting trees and their dead limbs, burning them afterwards to a fine ash of absolutely nothing.

I am working through this next phase of my life.

Believe me when I say I have found whom my Friends and Family (blood or not) TRULY are and the very few that are ~ Thank You For All of Your Love, Support, and Understanding.

The rest of y’all can WISH you could Kiss My Well-Toned Ace!

I digress (go figure).

Anywho!

Because I have lost track of time since I came here by again purging my thoughts, feelings, desires, and just WTF and WHERE do I grow from here ~

I have been without my phone, television (by choice because I just don’t have the time or attention span to sit for very long) nor have I had real access to the internet ~

But I am living in the “cabin” in the middle of nowhere and there is a small pond full of fish, Ginormous bullfrogs and snapping turtles.

I come outside before the sun comes up and I work relentlessly until I think I am exhausted enough to finally sleep (not yet).

I have dug up the roots of cattails out of the pond that are bigger than I am.

Tonight as I brought the trash out and to smoke a nice cigarette or 20 (yep. I live on nicotine and caffeine to survive) ~ don’t even start any shit with me about that because we are ALL healthier if I DO smoke.

As dumb and dumber ran out with me and went to the left (to the left) I went to the right.

Right there a deer and I made eye contact.

Shit!

I didn’t have my phone but he (?) was curious about my cigarette smoke and didn’t move while I backed up to retrieve it (I just thought of Sir Mixalot).

But I managed a picture before he (?) escaped. He had been nibbling on all those cattails I had in a pile.

Finally, even though I can see the fruits of my labor and my clothes no longer fit me size 16 ~ to a 10 (at least last week) and my skin is most definitely showing my 1% African American genes right on top of all the genetics of the mutt I am made uP of ~

Seeing this animal in a state of eating blissfully as the sun was glowing down ~

TODAY WAS A BEAUTIFUL AND WONDERFUL DAY ~ I am sincerely grateful for it.

As Always ~

#StayFierce

~ Ms. Mae

#RantON

TOP DEFINITION (according to the UrBaN dictionary) ~

Chivalry:

Being courteous and polite without fucking whining or asking for anything in return.

Chivalry is to be shown without it being asked for.

After work this morning, I stopped at a local quickie mart to fill up my car with gas, washed the windshield (even the back side) and because the back tires on my car are total shit ~ I pulled up along the side of the building where the air hose is kept checking the poundage and fill what was needed.

You know ~ I was feeling freakin Fantabulous this morning too (even with shitty tires) ~ I had gotten lots of sleep and the perfect amount of caffeine going on.

Y’all picking uP what I am throwing down?

ANYWHO!

As I started to pump air into the last tire, I heard a mans voice say above me ~

” can I grab that real quick from you? I just need to air up my back tire”

I thought to myself ~ I am not even going to acknowledge this douche bag ( not even a get back stare with a raised eyebrow). My mood and attitude had began changing since I gained my freedom. Therefore, I continued my hold on the air hose trying to finish up.

Remember I have shitty back tires?

I could feel a wee bit of frustration trying to creep in ~ my neck was flushed with the heat from it. By now I realized the tire stem must be faulty and…

The “man” came around to where I was kneeling and squatted down right in front of me ~ In my FACE ~

” Hey! Can I grab that from you? I just need to put air in my tire and go! You are taking way too long.”

Guess what?

I totally lost my Great mood and my cool.

No mo’ Ms.-Polite-Ima-Gonna -Pretend-I-Do-Not-Hear-Or-See-You Ms. Mae ~ oh hell no!

I blurted right back in his FACE ~

Did you really just say that to me ?”

Clearly he had no idea of the Wrath of Ms. Mae!

“Who do you think you are?

And why the hell for one minute would you possibly consider yourself so much more important than ME?”

Asshole.

Him: “You have been working on that same tire for at least a half an hour!”

Oh. No. He. Did. NOT just go there!

Ms. Mae (my voice dripping with sugar and sarcasm): “You know what? Because you seem to be an asshole and think your time is way more important than mine ~ I am going to make sure I take another half hour !”

Him: “Why do you not just take it to a shop already?”

Ms. Mae (fed up and then some): “Why do YOU not take your whinny bitch self somewhere ELSE already?”

And with that ~ he left.

My goodness it feels like a Monday and my day was no longer feeling groovy.

But guess what?

As Always ~

#StayFierce

~ Ms. Mae

#INVISIBLE

Okay PeePs…

I’m ENRAGED and I find myself somewhat in a dilemma…

I was on my way home from work.

While I was at a stop light, I noticed a truck beside me.

In it was a couple arguing extremely loud.

Of course, I had my windows halfway down, the sunroof open and the radio blaring (yes I was singing and dancing). . .

I quickly but inconspicuously turned my music and voice down.

Not because I wanted to be nosy but because I did not want to be noticed.

They were pretty angry.

As the light changed, I drove a little slower so I would not have to see the shame on the face of the woman driving.

I know that feeling.

I’ve worn that face.

All of a sudden I saw the man backhand the woman so hard the speed of the truck slowed down considerably and her head pushed halfway out her window, as well as sending her hair flying wildly about the air from the velocity and force of the mans hand.

In addition, the truck swerved unsteady across the center line.

The woman gained control of the vehicle and sped up a little.

I watched as the man turned to face the woman and he punched her STRAIGHT IN THE FUCKING FACE!!!!

I looked around at the cars surrounding them; me.

Was anyone else seeing this tragedy unfold ~ or was I alone in watching the physical abuse of a big fella as he slapped the woman yet again as the truck sped up ahead of me in the left lane???

Everyone else seemed oblivious.

I yelled the license plate number, the make, model, and color of the pickup to Siri.

I found myself gripping the steering wheel as if I were driving on ice.

Tears were rolling down my cheeks and smearing my mascara so I could hardly see.

I wanted to voice dial 911.

I was screaming in rage out loud and I did not even realize it until I saw them turn onto another highway.

SO MANY emotions are going through my mind right now as I sit parked in my driveway writing this post!!!

I WANT to call the police and report this piece of shit that THINKS he’s a man.

I WANTED to save this woman who was going to have to be embarrassed by the marks and bruises I KNOW are going to be swelling up on her face ~ explaining to her peers, coworkers, family, and the public what she’s going to PRETEND that happened.

All the while she will be shaming and questioning herself about what pissed HIM off so bad and what she REALLY wanted to do back to him as revenge. . .

WILL I be saving this woman if I call the police??

SOME of you are shouting out loud at my post “YES!!”

However, any one of you who have been in that same drivers seat as the woman, also is shouting out loud to this post “OH HELL NO!!”

It’s a catch-22 situation.

He might kill her after the police question him.

I know that the shame and embarrassment.

She will probably feel even more as she tells the police (maybe) why she “allowed” him to physically harm her.

I understand that she has no real answer of why she’s stayed so long.

I know the embarrassment and shying away from looking into the officers eyes as she tells them (maybe) “nothing happened.”

I know the fear of leaving and the fear of staying.

What I DO NOT know is what I should do for the safety of the woman and who else lives with her…

What I DO KNOW???

FELLAS!!

I do Not believe women are equal to men in muscle, size, or strength!

There is a BIG DIFFERENCE (no matter the size) between a mans punch compared to a woman’s.

We are the yen to your yang and vice verse!

The only thing I want to be equal to is respect, love, responsibilities in a relationship, a home, children (if there are any) and my fucking paycheck if we have the same education, experience and skill!!!

If you feel the need to call us names, demean us mentally or verbally or worse: feel the need to hit us even ever so lightly ~

IT IS NOT LOVE!!!

GET OUT!!

RUN!!!

LADIES!!!

If a man is being physically, mentally or verbally abusive ~

IT IS NOT LOVE!!!

GET OUT!!

RUN!!!

WHAT WOULD YOU DO????

I am sad for this woman.

I am ANGRY for this woman.

#LilDaddy

My lil’ daddy passed away a month before Fathers Day. It was Memorial Day Weekend, 2003.

This little man who I thought was so big and tall my entire life ~ was only about 5 ft and 7 inches on a good day. He worked Three jobs for 10 years and two jobs for 42 years. When he “retired” at the age of 62, he still worked as our taxi driver, helped an even older man on his cattle farm, and a much younger man haul cars from auctions. As a matter of fact ~ he was preparing for his day of work when he fell over from a blood clot going through his heart and exploding.

He awoke every morning at 6:00 O’clock. Took his blood sugar, put a pot of coffee on his electric percolator, made his oatmeal and toast.

This particular morning he took one bite of his oatmeal and when the toast popped up, he fell over dead.

He always told me I would either come over and find him dead in his bed or he would just fall over and die.

That is just a little insight to the work ethic my lil’ daddy had. He did not believe in missing work ~ unless he was dead. I am more than positive that is why he died on a Friday and it was a 3 day weekend ~ not one of his 6 children would have an excuse to miss.

However ~

My lil’ daddy was a Korean Conflict Veteran and he had always told me: ” If you can remember it, I get a Veterans Memorial Funeral and it will not cost a dime.”

Well, because it was Memorial Day Weekend ~ I got to keep him 5 extra days! So, THERE lil’ daddy! I bet he was fuming and if he were alive I might have gotten a whooping.

Not.

I only got 2 whoppings from my lil’ daddy. Unlike, the older siblings.

I use to tease him that if he had given me more I might not have turned out the way I did (I am naturally, The Black Sheep).

My lil’ daddy was born in 1930 during the depression to a German farmer and his wife. The oldest boy of 9 children. He only weighed 1 pound and the lil’ town he was born in donated a shoe box for him to sleep in ~ thinking he was so little they could use the box to bury him in when the time came. After all ~ babies that small in that era did not tend to live.

That is just how fierce my lil’ daddy was at the Get Go!

When he married my mama in 1950 ~ “Women were to be seen and not heard unless spoken to.”

My mama was born “in the city” to a family of 14 children ~ if you were not seen or heard, you could be lost!

I often teased my lil’ daddy that it was because of his chauvinism ~ The Lord gave him F I V E DAUGHTERS!

True story.

My dad went to a local restaurant for a gathering of the manly minds every morning and evening to have coffee with the other “retired” locals. He would leave this note on his door so anyone coming to visit (he was the hot spot for us all including but not limited to grandchildren, exes and neighbors) so we would not worry about his whereabouts.

I took that note once he passed and I pretend to this day ~ some 15 years later ~ he is still Gone To Bobbers For Coffee. Be back later.

I Love You LiL’ Daddy!

~ MaeBright That Made Everything Turn Out Right.

#HotInHeere

Forgiveness is not always easy. At times, it feels more painful than the wound we suffered, to forgive the one that inflicted it. And yet, there is no peace without forgiveness.

― Marianne Williamson

Full Shade In Missouri

I pretty much always Forgive ~

But I sure as Hell am not dumb enough to Forget either!

I have been on my own since I was roughly 17 years old. Not because I did not have parents or any other family ~ no I have always just been “The Black sheep” of the herd; INTENTIONALLY.

Recently, after moving to the middle of BFE with my oldest Widowed Sister to help her ready her large home and acreage for selling ~ we had a huge falling out.

The age difference between my sister and I is 12 years.

Therefore, I grew up thinking this woman was all that and then some.

I would constantly tell people she was my hero and I hoped someday I would be just like her ~ independent, strong, super smart, beautiful, financially set by her own accounting and savings squeezing blood from a turnip.

Until this past month.

In the beginning I did what I always do best ~ I listen and agree wholeheartedly with anything and everything she felt was against her or hindering her in her grief and self-preservation.

Then I set about putting my own therapy in to the works ~ I began cutting and trimming overgrown trees, limbs, shrubs, weeds, and even repaired the falling lattice around her back deck.

There were so many trees growing onto her less-than-a-decade- home and it was my job to get it done!

One of Five Brush Piles From The Cutting and Trimming I had Burnt!

I even took a job at a local restaurant my sister had worked at for the last 33 years.

I am not going to lie.

I have never worked in the restaurant industry ~ except for fast food when I was a teenager (that was like a 100 years ago).

At first, I was paid a little over minimum wage to walk people to their table (or booth) in a smoking (or nonsmoking) dining area with menus (even though there was a spectacular buffet as well). ,

MY Buffet

Even though I am technically now an introvert ~ my old extrovert persona came rushing back to me naturally.

The customers were having an equally good time as I was entertaining them while seating them. I even made a hefty $25 in tips on one particular evening.

I digress…

After about a month I was put in the kitchen as a prep cook and my specialty was the Buffet…

Two dollars more an hour.

A HELLUVA lot more work and an extremely hot environment along with some really lazy teens.

I set the buffet up, cooked everything that was on it and maintained all of it throughout my shift. As well as, making back up of the main dishes and salad bar.

On my last day I set out to find the nearest creek or river to soak my overheated chunky body.

Unfortunately, living in BFE leaves a person without phone service or WiFi.

As I headed back into town and home, my cell chimed missing text and phone messages.

All were left by my sister.

Most were hostile and belittling because she must have forgotten I am a grown ass woman and she is neither my parent (who I did not listen to when they were alive) nor my spouse (if you remember I divorced that rat bastard) and she sure as hell was not my boss (although because she worked at the same place for so long ~ she did dictate what my schedule was going to be and what jobs I was going to be doing).

I had absolutely enough of her tantrums, demands of what she needed or wanted.

I returned her texts letting her know I was in no rush to come home until she had calmed herself.

Well that did not go over well and she threatened to kick me out.

At this point I really did not care.

I told her I was returning for a change of clothes and my two old dawgs and I warned her to leave me alone when I got there because I was not feeling well enough to have any more arguments with her.

Oh. My. God.

She threatened to call the police if I took my dawgs (which was what she originally started bitching at me about because she did not want to take care of them if I was not coming straight home from work).

Are you fucking kidding me?

As soon as I got into my room she tried to open the door to rant.

I put my foot against the door so she could not enter.

Look, it was for her safety as well as my own to keep her at bay.

Therefore, she called the police and the EMT. She told the authorities she was worried I might harm myself I was so upset but she told the rest of our family she called the authorities because she feared for her own safety.

The reality was ~ she thought I would not leave her. She thought (as she had told me to do many times ~ “Keep Your Head Down and Your Mouth Closed and no one will bother you.”) Only she thought wrong.

She is going forward ~ dead to me.

My story and rant is over now.

You can all judge me or agree with me.

However, I left with less and my children when I walked out on my ex.

If someone is my blood and I was only trying to show love and support but not be controlled and the world thought I would take shit and eat it ~

Wrong sister.

Wrong person.

Wrong life to try to manipulate.

I am now with another older sister.

In the middle of BFE tending to her acreage and working out my anger and resume.

I have no job.

Absolutely not one penny to my name and I feel completely lost in my life right now.

I will remain FIERCE!

I do need everyone’s prayers, fingers crossed, wishes, or whatever it is that each one of you bestow on others for goodness ~

Please send some my way?

In the meantime ~

As Always ~

#StayFierce

~ Ms. Mae