#AdultKoolAide

I am probably going to offend some of you (and I am more than positive- I don’t give 2 fiddlesticks)….

BUT!

As I am sitting in middle of BFE.

Right on the very beautiful front porch I stained.

I am listening to the critters howling at the moon in their own languages.

Sipping on an Adult Frozen Juice Pack and I keep thinking about a post everyone likes to pass around on social media with the picture of a cozy cabin with a nice but small Jon boat and pond.

How each person says “Hell YEAH I would trade in my smartphone, the internet and electricity and live there!”

I am calling BULLSHIT on each and every one of you!!

1. We ALL like the luxury of taking a shit and shower of the civilian life.

Not one of us is acclimated to even WANT to think about life without the gift of electricity and those two important things.

I have been isolating myself and purging my anger and whatnot into cutting trees and their dead limbs, burning them afterwards to a fine ash of absolutely nothing.

I am working through this next phase of my life.

Believe me when I say I have found whom my Friends and Family (blood or not) TRULY are and the very few that are ~ Thank You For All of Your Love, Support, and Understanding.

The rest of y’all can WISH you could Kiss My Well-Toned Ace!

I digress (go figure).

Anywho!

Because I have lost track of time since I came here by again purging my thoughts, feelings, desires, and just WTF and WHERE do I grow from here ~

I have been without my phone, television (by choice because I just don’t have the time or attention span to sit for very long) nor have I had real access to the internet ~

But I am living in the “cabin” in the middle of nowhere and there is a small pond full of fish, Ginormous bullfrogs and snapping turtles.

I come outside before the sun comes up and I work relentlessly until I think I am exhausted enough to finally sleep (not yet).

I have dug up the roots of cattails out of the pond that are bigger than I am.

Tonight as I brought the trash out and to smoke a nice cigarette or 20 (yep. I live on nicotine and caffeine to survive) ~ don’t even start any shit with me about that because we are ALL healthier if I DO smoke.

As dumb and dumber ran out with me and went to the left (to the left) I went to the right.

Right there a deer and I made eye contact.

Shit!

I didn’t have my phone but he (?) was curious about my cigarette smoke and didn’t move while I backed up to retrieve it (I just thought of Sir Mixalot).

But I managed a picture before he (?) escaped. He had been nibbling on all those cattails I had in a pile.

Finally, even though I can see the fruits of my labor and my clothes no longer fit me size 16 ~ to a 10 (at least last week) and my skin is most definitely showing my 1% African American genes right on top of all the genetics of the mutt I am made uP of ~

Seeing this animal in a state of eating blissfully as the sun was glowing down ~

TODAY WAS A BEAUTIFUL AND WONDERFUL DAY ~ I am sincerely grateful for it.

As Always ~

#StayFierce

~ Ms. Mae

#RantON

TOP DEFINITION (according to the UrBaN dictionary) ~

Chivalry:

Being courteous and polite without fucking whining or asking for anything in return.

Chivalry is to be shown without it being asked for.

After work this morning, I stopped at a local quickie mart to fill up my car with gas, washed the windshield (even the back side) and because the back tires on my car are total shit ~ I pulled up along the side of the building where the air hose is kept checking the poundage and fill what was needed.

You know ~ I was feeling freakin Fantabulous this morning too (even with shitty tires) ~ I had gotten lots of sleep and the perfect amount of caffeine going on.

Y’all picking uP what I am throwing down?

ANYWHO!

As I started to pump air into the last tire, I heard a mans voice say above me ~

” can I grab that real quick from you? I just need to air up my back tire”

I thought to myself ~ I am not even going to acknowledge this douche bag ( not even a get back stare with a raised eyebrow). My mood and attitude had began changing since I gained my freedom. Therefore, I continued my hold on the air hose trying to finish up.

Remember I have shitty back tires?

I could feel a wee bit of frustration trying to creep in ~ my neck was flushed with the heat from it. By now I realized the tire stem must be faulty and…

The “man” came around to where I was kneeling and squatted down right in front of me ~ In my FACE ~

” Hey! Can I grab that from you? I just need to put air in my tire and go! You are taking way too long.”

Guess what?

I totally lost my Great mood and my cool.

No mo’ Ms.-Polite-Ima-Gonna -Pretend-I-Do-Not-Hear-Or-See-You Ms. Mae ~ oh hell no!

I blurted right back in his FACE ~

Did you really just say that to me ?”

Clearly he had no idea of the Wrath of Ms. Mae!

“Who do you think you are?

And why the hell for one minute would you possibly consider yourself so much more important than ME?”

Asshole.

Him: “You have been working on that same tire for at least a half an hour!”

Oh. No. He. Did. NOT just go there!

Ms. Mae (my voice dripping with sugar and sarcasm): “You know what? Because you seem to be an asshole and think your time is way more important than mine ~ I am going to make sure I take another half hour !”

Him: “Why do you not just take it to a shop already?”

Ms. Mae (fed up and then some): “Why do YOU not take your whinny bitch self somewhere ELSE already?”

And with that ~ he left.

My goodness it feels like a Monday and my day was no longer feeling groovy.

But guess what?

As Always ~

#StayFierce

~ Ms. Mae

#INVISIBLE

Okay PeePs…

I am ENRAGED and I find myself somewhat in a dilemma…

I was on my way home from work…

While I was at a stop light, I noticed a truck beside me.

In the truck, was a couple arguing extremely loud.

Of course, I had my windows halfway down, the sunroof open and the radio blaring (yes I was singing and dancing out loud ). . .

I quickly but inconspicuously turned my music and voice down.

Not because I wanted to be nosy but because I did not want to be noticed.

They seemed to be pretty angry as voices were raised in harsh tones.

As the light changed, I drove a little slower so I would not have to see the shame on the face of the woman driving.

I know that feeling.

I have worn that same face.

All of a sudden I saw the man in the passenger side of the truck~

That “fella” backhanded the woman so hard the speed of the truck slowed down considerably.

Pushing her head halfway out the drivers side window of the truck , as well as sending her hair flying wildly about the air from the velocity and force of the mans hand.

The truck swerved unsteady across the center line.

The woman gained control of the vehicle and sped up a little.

I watched as the man turned to face the woman who was driving and he punched her STRAIGHT IN THE FUCKING FACE!!!!

I looked around at the cars surrounding them; me.

Was anyone else seeing this tragedy unfold ~ or was I alone in watching the physical abuse of a big fella as he slapped the woman yet again as the truck sped up ahead of me in the left lane???

Everyone else seemed oblivious.

I yelled the license plate number, the make, model, and color of the pickup to Siri.

I found myself gripping the steering wheel as if I were driving on ice.

Tears were rolling down my cheeks and smearing my mascara so I could hardly see.

I wanted to voice dial 911.

I was screaming in rage out loud and I did not even realize it until I saw them turn onto another highway.

SO MANY emotions are going through my mind right now as I sit parked in my driveway writing this post!!!

I WANT to call the police and report this piece of shit that THINKS he is a man.

I WANTED to save this woman who was going to have to be embarrassed by the marks and bruises I KNOW are going to be swelling up on her face ~ explaining to her peers, coworkers, family, and the public what she is going to PRETEND that happened.

All the while she will be shaming and questioning herself about what pissed HIM off so bad and what she REALLY wanted to do back to him as revenge. . .

WILL I be saving this woman if I call the police??

SOME of you are shouting out loud at my post “YES!!”

However, any one of you who have been in that same drivers seat as the woman, also is shouting out loud to this post “OH HELL NO!!”

It is a Catch-22 situation.

He might kill her after the police question him.

I know that shame and embarrassment.

She will probably feel even more as she tells the police (maybe) why she “allowed” him to physically harm her.

I understand that she has no real answer of why she has stayed so long.

I know the embarrassment and shying away from looking into the officers eyes as she tells them (maybe) “nothing happened.”

I know the fear of leaving and the fear of staying.

What I DO NOT know is what I should do for the safety of the woman and who else lives with her…

What I DO KNOW???

FELLAS!!

I do Not believe women are equal to men in muscle, size, or strength!

There is a BIG DIFFERENCE (no matter the size) between a mans punch compared to a woman’s punch.

We are the yen to your yang and vice verse!

The only thing I want to be equal to is respect, love, responsibilities in a relationship, a home, children (if there are any) and my fucking paycheck if we have the same education, experience and skill!!!

If you feel the need to call us names, demean us mentally or verbally or worse: feel the need to hit us even ever so lightly ~

IT IS NOT LOVE!!!

GET OUT!!

RUN!!!

LADIES!!!

If a man is being physically, mentally or verbally abusive ~

IT IS NOT LOVE!!!

GET OUT!!

RUN!!!

WHAT WOULD YOU DO????

I am sad for this woman.

I am ANGRY for this woman.

PLEASE!

Pay attention to the signs of those who may be in an abusive relationship and reach out to them.,.

#PurpleThursday

I am a Survivor…

Some may not understand the power of an abuser.

They (abusers) bury a person so deep they have no clue where the light is ~ let alone how to dig themselves out.

It is easy to push aside the person who is being abused with the statement “I didn’t know…” or “It’s their fault for staying in a bad relationship for so long.”

I want to say to those of you who know or think someone is in an domestic relationship of any kind ~

  • Stop judging them!
  • Help them by just LISTENING!
  • We know that it looks pathetic to the outside world what we are going through.
  • Empower those people by focusing on the positive things they bring to the table!
  • Remind those persons Love Shouldn’t Hurt but you are also there WHEN they are ready to walk away!
  • When THEY ARE READY ~ NO ONE can stop them.

So be ready PeePs ~

They will truly need every ounce of help and encouragement you were so willing to give when they were Living TheNightmare!

When I finally got out of a 30 Year Marriage full of Domestic Abuse, I found out a lot of those cheerleaders that were on my side ~ were no longer carrying their Pom poms.

I have no clue where I am going at this point in my life other than FOWARD.

And I’m moving forward with FIERCENESS.

In the meantime,

As Always ~

#StayFierce

Ms. Mae

#MiddleSchool

You know thosekids…

The ones who claim to be the “Cool Kids?”

We need to talk right now.

I get being in the tween-preadolescent-adolescent-age where you just want to have your drivers license already and do things more independently!

Really I do!

Believe it or DO NOT ~

Ms. Mae was once on that roller coaster of Hormonal Hell !

I still am… Somewhat.

The one important thing is to use all that popularity and coolness for those who do not feel as confident in their surroundings.

I do not mean start a charity or GoFundMe bullshit.

I mean, tell the quiet girl in math class you like her hair, her shoes, her BRAINS for the love of goodness!

Tell the overweight boy in gym class that when he grows into that massive body ~ he might be the shizzle at football or weightlifting classes.

Pick the kid who is always picked last for any activity ~ FIRST!

Compliment the kids who play in the band or orchestra ~ music is a gift everyone can relate to!

BE the Cool Kids that are cool and popular for all the Great Reasons ~ Showing kindness Is Cool.

I promise in the short term of middle school and high school in life ~ you will gain more popularity that will continue throughout your lifetime which is the most important!!

If I need to remind you ~ I will!

Therefore ~

As you start each day remember this:

1. Learn BIG!

2. Be Kind To One Another!

And as always Kids ~

BE FIERCE!

#StayFierce

~ Ms. Mae

#CarterPayne2016

My sadness is deep today without a doubt.

Not for Carter Payne or the loss of him on my mamas birthday ~ I believe without a doubt they are celebrating in a way we will only understand when we get to join them in The Kingdom of Heaven (YES! I DO believe I’m going to Heaven some day)!

My deep sadness is for those of us left behind to continue to live on without either of them to make our days better ~ happier, just by existing.

I had been with Carter every since I found out he was growing in his mamas belly.

I was fortunate to be a part of watching him grow with lots of visits from his dad and mama. As well as being a part of his big brother and sister growing stages.

Coming to “Aunt Mae’s” was hopefully as big of a treat for them as it had been for my family and me ( I KNOW it was without a doubt)!!

They knew about the paddle that resided on my wall with the phrase ATTITUDE ADJUSTER written down the handle.

They ALL knew the law: “If I take it off the wall ~ it HAS to be used!”

I’m pretty sure my daughter is the only one that had it used on her (well probably Carters dad too. lol).

I would make lots of good food and family would stop in and out to visit as well.

Carter was our second REAL redhead in the family (my oldest niece, the other~ our very first niece, born on Christmas Day and Carters aunt).

April of 2015, I was attending the Retirement Ceremony of my Nephew from the United States Air Force.

The American Flag that had been placed upon the coffin of my own father (Carters Great Grandpa who he shared a birthday with) was escorted into the ceremony by men in uniform.

The service men began unfolding my lil daddy’s flag and another service man spoke of the story of the importance of the folding of the American flag upon the death of a loved one who served our country.

Afterwards, the re-folded flag was presented and saluted to the retiring Master Sergeant David Payne (my oldest and very first grandchild /son in my family). One can only imagine the pride and beauty of that very moment.

Except it became even more profound, personal, and BEAUTIFUL as the Master Sergeant walked over to his son, Carter Alexander and said:

“On April 18, 1930 there was a great man born who served to earn this flag.

On April 18, 2000 another great man was born…”

His father then he placed the flag in my great nephews hands and saluted HIM with the honor bestowed upon them both.

I can only give you this tiny, tiny insight to the even slightest of just how loved and cherished Carter was/is to our Family!

Carter loved playing pranks on his old Aunt Mae along with his dad and mama (think Maddie’s graduation kids)!

I would threaten F. O. A. Over the phone for his next visit to Missouri ~ to both him and his sister!!

I ALWAYS kept my word 😉💕

One of the very few things that are keeping me from totally losing it ~

Carter was born on my lil’ daddy’s birthday and passed away on my mamas birthday.

For ME that means he IS in The Kingdom of Heaven sharing Love and Goodness wherever WE are ~ KNOWING the outcome of everything else in THIS Life is going to be OKAY in the end!

So today as I get my walkabout on and I sing:

🎵…Where O’ Where Is Carter …🎵

I KNOW he’s wrapped in ALL the Love we are feeling in between my own mama and lil’ daddy!!

I know you’re not RESTING in Peace, Red ~ You are LIVING and CELEBRATING in Peace!!!

#AuntMaeLovesYou

#SomeGoodFromPayne💕

#TGIF

Has anyone else had one of the longest weeks ever ?

So much has happened in the last month since I wrote last. More than I have wanted and less than I need.

Drastic changes.

I moved in with my widowed older sister to help prepare her home for selling.

I quit my job ~ so I am even more poor than I was.

Who CARES?

Me.

However, I am pretty talented so I will work stuff out … eventually.

I do need to tell my students that actually follow my blog, goodbye.

I will save that for another post so they will know without a doubt it’s for them.

I had to bust out early from them and in all sincerity I do not want them to think it was because of anything they did or did not do (they are little snots though) >wink<

Social media is driving me fucking crazy with all the political bullshit AND the same memes over and over (I have about 700 followers so you can imagine how much I see the same thing). I hope to gain more as my blog progresses.

I had originally created a Facebook page for my blog and some dumbass reported it as fake. Unfortunately, for her she told me she did it. Gee bish ~ ever think of asking first?!?

In order to open it back up, I have to give Mark Zuckerberg my first born (ha) so no way Jose’!

Damn I even think I am funny sometimes.

Anywho!

My day awaits me!

I must begin my adventures…

As always #StayFierce

~Ms. Mae