Did I mention I have a new career?

Missouri ACO Ms. MaeAnimal Control Officer and Humane Investigator…

As Always ~


~ Ms. Mae


I am probably going to offend some of you (and I am more than positive- I don’t give 2 fiddlesticks)….


As I am sitting in middle of BFE.

Right on the very beautiful front porch I stained.

I am listening to the critters howling at the moon in their own languages.

Sipping on an Adult Frozen Juice Pack and I keep thinking about a post everyone likes to pass around on social media with the picture of a cozy cabin with a nice but small Jon boat and pond.

How each person says “Hell YEAH I would trade in my smartphone, the internet and electricity and live there!”

I am calling BULLSHIT on each and every one of you!!

1. We ALL like the luxury of taking a shit and shower of the civilian life.

Not one of us is acclimated to even WANT to think about life without the gift of electricity and those two important things.

I have been isolating myself and purging my anger and whatnot into cutting trees and their dead limbs, burning them afterwards to a fine ash of absolutely nothing.

I am working through this next phase of my life.

Believe me when I say I have found whom my Friends and Family (blood or not) TRULY are and the very few that are ~ Thank You For All of Your Love, Support, and Understanding.

The rest of y’all can WISH you could Kiss My Well-Toned Ace!

I digress (go figure).


Because I have lost track of time since I came here by again purging my thoughts, feelings, desires, and just WTF and WHERE do I grow from here ~

I have been without my phone, television (by choice because I just don’t have the time or attention span to sit for very long) nor have I had real access to the internet ~

But I am living in the “cabin” in the middle of nowhere and there is a small pond full of fish, Ginormous bullfrogs and snapping turtles.

I come outside before the sun comes up and I work relentlessly until I think I am exhausted enough to finally sleep (not yet).

I have dug up the roots of cattails out of the pond that are bigger than I am.

Tonight as I brought the trash out and to smoke a nice cigarette or 20 (yep. I live on nicotine and caffeine to survive) ~ don’t even start any shit with me about that because we are ALL healthier if I DO smoke.

As dumb and dumber ran out with me and went to the left (to the left) I went to the right.

Right there a deer and I made eye contact.


I didn’t have my phone but he (?) was curious about my cigarette smoke and didn’t move while I backed up to retrieve it (I just thought of Sir Mixalot).

But I managed a picture before he (?) escaped. He had been nibbling on all those cattails I had in a pile.

Finally, even though I can see the fruits of my labor and my clothes no longer fit me size 16 ~ to a 10 (at least last week) and my skin is most definitely showing my 1% African American genes right on top of all the genetics of the mutt I am made uP of ~

Seeing this animal in a state of eating blissfully as the sun was glowing down ~

TODAY WAS A BEAUTIFUL AND WONDERFUL DAY ~ I am sincerely grateful for it.

As Always ~


~ Ms. Mae


Here is a story that was a major turning point in not only my life, but all Dancing Walkabouts going forward…

I was backing out of my spot at the local riverfront trail when an older gentleman ~(I’m only going to guess by my initial guesstimate) maybe late 60’s – early 70’s pulls up about 25 feet away from my car.

He motions for me to put my window down.

He was at a safe distance, older, “nice-clean”  mature man.

Hell, I looked like I just came from the river soaked ~ no worries, right?

However, I only put my window down halfway (I’m not too keen on trusting totally to putting it down all the way for anyone).

He was getting ready to go over to the City Lake (where I crunched my ankle) which is also on the other side of the riverfront. ~

I immediately made a side note to myself that I thought that was kind of strange, but not really because it’s also normal to check out which walkabout area is more congested with people ~ or at least that is how I condoned why he was at the riverfront ~ if he was actually going back over to the city lake to do his walk…

He was laughing at all of the “kids” playing “poke a man” around the riverfront.

I looked around ~ YEP!

There were probably over 20, twenty-somethings walking in circles with their phones.

Did I mention I wear sunglasses (so people do not make direct eye contact and want to socialize in any way) and my earbuds are set tightly in my little ears until I get into my car?

Therefore, I am usually only seeing tunnel vision ~ feel me?

So I said “ha ~ at least they are getting out into the sunshine moving about!”

He said: “Yeah, but they are running into things.”

Me: “Well common sense should probably kick in before they do themselves any harm.”

During our conversation ~ I honestly could not tell you how long it was ~ my car was in reverse and my foot on the brake ~ because I thought he was just an older man having small talk and I was leaving ~ right?

This dude was S M O O T H E.

He manipulated the conversation so well and easily I didn’t know What the hell I still think happened…

You might think I walk around with a sour look on my face and growling most of the time (and inside I am), but in reality, I smile and say “hello” or “good morning/evening” to people as they walk by me!

My true inner spirit is a force of kindness towards others ~ complimenting them in some freaking way:  “nice hair!”  “great shoes..”

First, he starts telling me why he has to walk everyday ~

He has health issues:   Open heart surgery, diabetes, and when he sits too long his feet go to sleep.

My response was, if I don’t get my walk in ~ my mood is so bad ~ I just feel so much better after being on my Dancing Walkabout!

My attitude, my health ~ heck I feel about 10 years younger!

Him:  “Oh!  You dance while you walk?”

Me: “Yeah ~ I use to sing out loud as well, but I don’t think other people around me enjoy it so I stopped.”

Ha, ha,ha (ever the comedian that I am)!

“Besides, it’s a great way to work out!”

Him:  “Do you ever go to the City Lake to walk?”

Sir Duck Shits Alot

Me:  “I use to.  I would run up and down all the stairs and hills over there until I crunched my ankle.  Plus there is so much duck and goose shit over there it’s just better that I stay over here now.”

Him:  “Yeah, I use to call it Sir Duck ShitsAlot” (or something of that effect, because now I was thinking: why is this old dude talking about me walking over there)?

Me: a fake “ha ha.”

Him:  “So I see these kids attached to their gadgets and I am thinking, does anyone read any more?”

Me:  “No kidding.  I did not raise my kids with too many electronics;

I could not afford them plus, I wanted them to be active…  ”

Him:  “Yeah, my wife use to come out and walk with me as well.”

Me:  “I hope she is okay.”

Him:  “Oh yeah.  It’s just we are both into different things right now…”

Me:  “Well it is good you are both willing to step out alone or with others, and do your own thing ~ right?”

Him:  “Well there are a lot of things we do separately.”

Me:  “I would hope so.” (I am so totally gullible).

Him:  “Well, about 3 years ago, my wife gave me permission to have

(not the word sex ~ but it was implied ~ or at least that is how I perceived it)

with others.”

 Me: “That is great ~ I just do not believe in crossing the lines of marriage. I am more than positive I do not think I could give permission to my ex to sleep around.”

Him:  “Oh you are divorced?”

Me:  ” I have raised my kids on my own….”

I was starting to pull away from the conversation but not entirely, because

(A.)  I did not hear any alarms yet, but I saw flags ~ but I still was not scared

(B.) Nor did I feel threatened in any way.

Him:  “I like to read a lot as I said before. Do you read much?”

Me:  “Not too much other than my school books ~ I’m pursuing my education while I work full time.”

At that point we both looked over at my mesh yellow work vest hanging across the passenger seat of my car.

Him:  “Oh!  You drive a school bus? (not actually surprised or I could have been paranoid).

Me:  “I actually push carts for a local department store.”

Him:  “ Well I like to read…  See, I can not get a total erection, but I can still have a climax.”

He did not say “get off,” “cum,” or “orgasm” like a pervert in my opinion would say.

Me:  ” I am thinking maybe that could be why your wife might be okay with you doing things elsewhere…”

>I am very open-minded with people and conversations in general so at this time I still not not feel threatened or that our conversation was out of control or dirty <

Him:  ” Oh noI love my wife.

We went to the doctor and tried happy pills and everything.

She just is not interested.”

Me:  ” Well, if you are having difficulty with an erection, I am sure she is questioning herself and her own attractiveness and self-esteem ~ see,  we tend to think “it’s our fault” even though it could just be your health issues.”

I was truly trying to keep the sarcasm from rumbling from my words…

Also, I was still freaking out about him knowing I even did a Dancing Walkabout or that he was asking about the City Lake where I had fallen.

So I started taking in his attire and other important factors I might need to remember some day ~

Twinkle Blue Like His Eyes…

Super coiffed hair (like a television personality or the evening news). 

He had a hat “placed” on his head (STL Cards).

Silver/white hair (that just did not look real).

Sparkling blue eyes.

His truck was equally blue ~

Four-wheel Drive, chrome side-step ~ not brand new, but exceptionally well-kept (maybe 5 years old).

His fingers were well-manicured (odd ~ I do not believe I have ever seen any of the more “upscale” business men within this local German community who had a manicure)!

He was tanned and from what I could see he was maybe tall?

He had big, white,perfect teeth.

A Wrangler plaid green/tan checked shirt.

A diamond/gold wedding ring…

Everything about him was so out of place compared to his actual face and words…

Him:  “So you have not been dating or seeing anyone?”

Me: ” No.”

Him: “Why NOT?”

 Me:  “Because I have had kids to raise and they are the most important part of my life. I will have my turn. Actually, I went on a date a couple years ago with an older fella. Well, I suppose we just met for dinner. I needed to see how I would do once I started to actually date again…

He was everything I did not think I actually wanted to date in a man ~ 10 years or so older than I am, he wore cowboy boots ~ I tell my kids every year when they ask what I want for my birthday and I say About a 35 year old.”


I think I am so damn funny.

Him:  “So you went to dinner with this guy?  How did it go?”

Me:  “Actually it’s the best time I have had with the opposite sex without sex, drugs, or alcohol…

I really like him.”

Him:  ” So, you do not have sex?  Pardon me if I am being too personal or if you are embarrassed and excuse me if I am going over the line ~ but do you masturbate?”

Me:    ” No!  You are not embarrassing me!

I encourage people to speak their minds.  I am comfortable with my being ~ including my sexuality.  Have you crossed a line?

I am not sure yet… But to answer your question ~ I am still holding out for the older gentleman I had dinner with. It has been lovely talking with you but I do need to get back to work and you still need to get your walk in.”

I began driving in reverse again…

Him:  ” Well, can I just ask you another question?”

He is now looking around ~ not like “is anyone watching me” but “are you seeing this??  She is not only not freaking out, but she is answering my questions!

Me:  “Sure…”

Him:  ” What if this guy is not what he is cracked up to be?  What if he “does not do it for you?”

Me:  ” He will.”

Him: ” Why do you think that?”

Me: “Why do you not think he will?”

Him:  “What if he is done before you are?”

Me:  “Just seeing him in front of me will already almost have me “there” so if we were actually in a position of clothes off and climbing aboard ~ I would already be there as well…

But really.  I have to get going.” (as I continue to back up and leave).

Him:  “Maybe we will see each other again down here and we can continue our lovely conversation and watch all these silly kids play “poke a man?”

 Me: “Yeah maybe (like hell I say).

 Him:  “As a matter of fact ~ that is going to be a new nickname I am going to call you:  “Poke a Man ~ poke a man in you and GO!

One way or another I am going to get into your panties…”

ME: “ No you will not! I told you ~ I am saving myself for the mature older gentleman.”

I started kind of laughing when I drove off ~ just happy to get away and think for a minute ~

What the HELL just happened?

 He was driving right up behind me ~ his truck almost touching the back of my car.

He had to see the light bulb go on above the top of my head in my rearview mirror at the same time I did.

 He backed way off, so I slowed down so I could see his license plates.

He almost stopped and I just continued driving very slowly hoping to get close enough to him.

He then ducked down a side street where I could no longer see him.

I wanted to drive directly home.

I was afraid he was watching to see where I lived.

I went to a gas station, then Wally World, then another grocery store, and another gas station ~ literally going  2 hours out of my way to go home because I was just that freaked out…

I posted about it on social media and…

Friends were telling me to call the police he could be a killer or rapist.

But it really felt like an interview or a quiz ~

Like I was being tested…

Him:  ” Well, that is why I like to read.”

Before this incident I would post on social media about my Dancing Walkabouts ~ what music I was grooving to, the area I was walking at, and the weather.

As well as, little anecdotes about my walk (weird people, pets, wild life, etc)…

I sort of chalked it up as just another adventure in the day of a life for Ms. Mae and did not think any more of it.


Friends and family began leaving me messages about a man accosting women in their early 50’s at the riverfront in my home town ~ they saw on the local news ~ maybe it was the same man?

My response was that I was a wee bit upset that if it was him, why would he assume I was in my early 50’s?

Like I said ~ ever the comedian I think I am…

At this point, I removed everything and anything on all social media that showed my face or my children.

People were literally tagging my name in articles and posts that showed images of the man and the news story.

Even the local sheriffs department contacted me saying they had read my story on social media and wanted to know if I wanted to file a report.

What would I have filed a report about?

There was no physical contact, his words were careful and not exactly offensive and I participated in the conversation willingly.

The man never got out of his truck nor did he even ask if I would put my window further ~ let alone give me the feeling I was being forced to continue our conversation or move closer to him.

I was already feeling constricted and pushed out by the county I lived in since I called the EPA, health department, and ARC over the flooded black mold hell hole I lived in and the fact I filed an insurance claim against the city department because I fell in a hole at Sir Duck ShitsAlot ~ you think I am going to put my neck in a noose AND cut the rope to hang myself?

Fuck no!

Besides, I honestly do not know if the man I met was the same as the man that was actually arrested after a physical altercation with another woman he supposedly accosted.

Remember I thought he was wearing a disguise or something?

If I had to pick the man out of a lineup or by his mugshot ~ no way would I have picked the man the local newspaper, television, or social media was sharing!

Except maybe his bright blue eyes…

Later, I read he was released from jail and he was put on unsupervised probation For a year…

I have to say, unfortunately ~

It does not always pay to be a leader and it is okay to follow the story quietly along as it unfolds.

Without a doubt I pay more attention to my surroundings than I ever have ~ more than just the color of the sky or foliage around me.

However, it was ONE of the very last times I ever did my Dancing Walkabout on the riverfront trail…

BE SAFE out there PeePs!

One never knows when or where a surprise might come out at you…

In the meantime…

As Always ~


~ Ms. Mae


TOP DEFINITION (according to the UrBaN dictionary) ~


Being courteous and polite without fucking whining or asking for anything in return.

Chivalry is to be shown without it being asked for.

After work this morning, I stopped at a local quickie mart to fill up my car with gas, washed the windshield (even the back side) and because the back tires on my car are total shit ~ I pulled up along the side of the building where the air hose is kept checking the poundage and fill what was needed.

You know ~ I was feeling freakin Fantabulous this morning too (even with shitty tires) ~ I had gotten lots of sleep and the perfect amount of caffeine going on.

Y’all picking uP what I am throwing down?


As I started to pump air into the last tire, I heard a mans voice say above me ~

” can I grab that real quick from you? I just need to air up my back tire”

I thought to myself ~ I am not even going to acknowledge this douche bag ( not even a get back stare with a raised eyebrow). My mood and attitude had began changing since I gained my freedom. Therefore, I continued my hold on the air hose trying to finish up.

Remember I have shitty back tires?

I could feel a wee bit of frustration trying to creep in ~ my neck was flushed with the heat from it. By now I realized the tire stem must be faulty and…

The “man” came around to where I was kneeling and squatted down right in front of me ~ In my FACE ~

” Hey! Can I grab that from you? I just need to put air in my tire and go! You are taking way too long.”

Guess what?

I totally lost my Great mood and my cool.

No mo’ Ms.-Polite-Ima-Gonna -Pretend-I-Do-Not-Hear-Or-See-You Ms. Mae ~ oh hell no!

I blurted right back in his FACE ~

Did you really just say that to me ?”

Clearly he had no idea of the Wrath of Ms. Mae!

“Who do you think you are?

And why the hell for one minute would you possibly consider yourself so much more important than ME?”


Him: “You have been working on that same tire for at least a half an hour!”

Oh. No. He. Did. NOT just go there!

Ms. Mae (my voice dripping with sugar and sarcasm): “You know what? Because you seem to be an asshole and think your time is way more important than mine ~ I am going to make sure I take another half hour !”

Him: “Why do you not just take it to a shop already?”

Ms. Mae (fed up and then some): “Why do YOU not take your whinny bitch self somewhere ELSE already?”

And with that ~ he left.

My goodness it feels like a Monday and my day was no longer feeling groovy.

But guess what?

As Always ~


~ Ms. Mae


Okay PeePs…

I’m ENRAGED and I find myself somewhat in a dilemma…

I was on my way home from work.

While I was at a stop light, I noticed a truck beside me.

In it was a couple arguing extremely loud.

Of course, I had my windows halfway down, the sunroof open and the radio blaring (yes I was singing and dancing). . .

I quickly but inconspicuously turned my music and voice down.

Not because I wanted to be nosy but because I did not want to be noticed.

They were pretty angry.

As the light changed, I drove a little slower so I would not have to see the shame on the face of the woman driving.

I know that feeling.

I’ve worn that face.

All of a sudden I saw the man backhand the woman so hard the speed of the truck slowed down considerably and her head pushed halfway out her window, as well as sending her hair flying wildly about the air from the velocity and force of the mans hand.

In addition, the truck swerved unsteady across the center line.

The woman gained control of the vehicle and sped up a little.

I watched as the man turned to face the woman and he punched her STRAIGHT IN THE FUCKING FACE!!!!

I looked around at the cars surrounding them; me.

Was anyone else seeing this tragedy unfold ~ or was I alone in watching the physical abuse of a big fella as he slapped the woman yet again as the truck sped up ahead of me in the left lane???

Everyone else seemed oblivious.

I yelled the license plate number, the make, model, and color of the pickup to Siri.

I found myself gripping the steering wheel as if I were driving on ice.

Tears were rolling down my cheeks and smearing my mascara so I could hardly see.

I wanted to voice dial 911.

I was screaming in rage out loud and I did not even realize it until I saw them turn onto another highway.

SO MANY emotions are going through my mind right now as I sit parked in my driveway writing this post!!!

I WANT to call the police and report this piece of shit that THINKS he’s a man.

I WANTED to save this woman who was going to have to be embarrassed by the marks and bruises I KNOW are going to be swelling up on her face ~ explaining to her peers, coworkers, family, and the public what she’s going to PRETEND that happened.

All the while she will be shaming and questioning herself about what pissed HIM off so bad and what she REALLY wanted to do back to him as revenge. . .

WILL I be saving this woman if I call the police??

SOME of you are shouting out loud at my post “YES!!”

However, any one of you who have been in that same drivers seat as the woman, also is shouting out loud to this post “OH HELL NO!!”

It’s a catch-22 situation.

He might kill her after the police question him.

I know that the shame and embarrassment.

She will probably feel even more as she tells the police (maybe) why she “allowed” him to physically harm her.

I understand that she has no real answer of why she’s stayed so long.

I know the embarrassment and shying away from looking into the officers eyes as she tells them (maybe) “nothing happened.”

I know the fear of leaving and the fear of staying.

What I DO NOT know is what I should do for the safety of the woman and who else lives with her…

What I DO KNOW???


I do Not believe women are equal to men in muscle, size, or strength!

There is a BIG DIFFERENCE (no matter the size) between a mans punch compared to a woman’s.

We are the yen to your yang and vice verse!

The only thing I want to be equal to is respect, love, responsibilities in a relationship, a home, children (if there are any) and my fucking paycheck if we have the same education, experience and skill!!!

If you feel the need to call us names, demean us mentally or verbally or worse: feel the need to hit us even ever so lightly ~





If a man is being physically, mentally or verbally abusive ~





I am sad for this woman.

I am ANGRY for this woman.


Forgiveness is not always easy. At times, it feels more painful than the wound we suffered, to forgive the one that inflicted it. And yet, there is no peace without forgiveness.

― Marianne Williamson

Full Shade In Missouri

I pretty much always Forgive ~

But I sure as Hell am not dumb enough to Forget either!

I have been on my own since I was roughly 17 years old. Not because I did not have parents or any other family ~ no I have always just been “The Black sheep” of the herd; INTENTIONALLY.

Recently, after moving to the middle of BFE with my oldest Widowed Sister to help her ready her large home and acreage for selling ~ we had a huge falling out.

The age difference between my sister and I is 12 years.

Therefore, I grew up thinking this woman was all that and then some.

I would constantly tell people she was my hero and I hoped someday I would be just like her ~ independent, strong, super smart, beautiful, financially set by her own accounting and savings squeezing blood from a turnip.

Until this past month.

In the beginning I did what I always do best ~ I listen and agree wholeheartedly with anything and everything she felt was against her or hindering her in her grief and self-preservation.

Then I set about putting my own therapy in to the works ~ I began cutting and trimming overgrown trees, limbs, shrubs, weeds, and even repaired the falling lattice around her back deck.

There were so many trees growing onto her less-than-a-decade- home and it was my job to get it done!

One of Five Brush Piles From The Cutting and Trimming I had Burnt!

I even took a job at a local restaurant my sister had worked at for the last 33 years.

I am not going to lie.

I have never worked in the restaurant industry ~ except for fast food when I was a teenager (that was like a 100 years ago).

At first, I was paid a little over minimum wage to walk people to their table (or booth) in a smoking (or nonsmoking) dining area with menus (even though there was a spectacular buffet as well). ,

MY Buffet

Even though I am technically now an introvert ~ my old extrovert persona came rushing back to me naturally.

The customers were having an equally good time as I was entertaining them while seating them. I even made a hefty $25 in tips on one particular evening.

I digress…

After about a month I was put in the kitchen as a prep cook and my specialty was the Buffet…

Two dollars more an hour.

A HELLUVA lot more work and an extremely hot environment along with some really lazy teens.

I set the buffet up, cooked everything that was on it and maintained all of it throughout my shift. As well as, making back up of the main dishes and salad bar.

On my last day I set out to find the nearest creek or river to soak my overheated chunky body.

Unfortunately, living in BFE leaves a person without phone service or WiFi.

As I headed back into town and home, my cell chimed missing text and phone messages.

All were left by my sister.

Most were hostile and belittling because she must have forgotten I am a grown ass woman and she is neither my parent (who I did not listen to when they were alive) nor my spouse (if you remember I divorced that rat bastard) and she sure as hell was not my boss (although because she worked at the same place for so long ~ she did dictate what my schedule was going to be and what jobs I was going to be doing).

I had absolutely enough of her tantrums, demands of what she needed or wanted.

I returned her texts letting her know I was in no rush to come home until she had calmed herself.

Well that did not go over well and she threatened to kick me out.

At this point I really did not care.

I told her I was returning for a change of clothes and my two old dawgs and I warned her to leave me alone when I got there because I was not feeling well enough to have any more arguments with her.

Oh. My. God.

She threatened to call the police if I took my dawgs (which was what she originally started bitching at me about because she did not want to take care of them if I was not coming straight home from work).

Are you fucking kidding me?

As soon as I got into my room she tried to open the door to rant.

I put my foot against the door so she could not enter.

Look, it was for her safety as well as my own to keep her at bay.

Therefore, she called the police and the EMT. She told the authorities she was worried I might harm myself I was so upset but she told the rest of our family she called the authorities because she feared for her own safety.

The reality was ~ she thought I would not leave her. She thought (as she had told me to do many times ~ “Keep Your Head Down and Your Mouth Closed and no one will bother you.”) Only she thought wrong.

She is going forward ~ dead to me.

My story and rant is over now.

You can all judge me or agree with me.

However, I left with less and my children when I walked out on my ex.

If someone is my blood and I was only trying to show love and support but not be controlled and the world thought I would take shit and eat it ~

Wrong sister.

Wrong person.

Wrong life to try to manipulate.

I am now with another older sister.

In the middle of BFE tending to her acreage and working out my anger and resume.

I have no job.

Absolutely not one penny to my name and I feel completely lost in my life right now.

I will remain FIERCE!

I do need everyone’s prayers, fingers crossed, wishes, or whatever it is that each one of you bestow on others for goodness ~

Please send some my way?

In the meantime ~

As Always ~


~ Ms. Mae